Sunday, December 18, 2011

Best. Comment. Ever.

I got the best comment ever yesterday, and I thought it should be called out as an actual post because I haven't laughed so hard in a while.  If you have a blog, Anonymous, please let me know.  And her's the comment on the Ham in a Can post

Betsy, I see your ex-husband's girlfriend's dead customer's ham, and I raise you an ex-husband's girlfriend's dead brother's couch.

Here's the scenario: I'm at my former home, now my ex-husband and girlfriend's home, on some brief piece of business or other. He opens the garage door, from behind which I'd noticed a whirring sound. The garage is filled with belongings of the dead brother of his girlfriend (<--yes, the family friend he'd left me for). The brother had died alone in his house, and unfortunately the body had not been discovered for some time. I will spare you the grisly details, however, the whirring sound was an ozone generator meant to remove all smells from the furniture. My ex-husband gives me a brief tour of the belongings, and we stop in front of the leather couch. He bends down to take a whiff of it and says, "Hey, smell this couch." Which I do, gawd help me. As I am sniffing it, he asks "Does this couch still smell like dead guy?"

And it was at that moment, Betsy, that I realized two things: 1) I am entirely too accommodating and 2) by initiating that divorce, the former family friend/current girlfriend had actually done me an immense favor.

Thank you and your ham for reminding me of this stunning moment of clarity, which I will now attempt to re-bury for perpetuity.

4 comments:

  1. OMG Yes, we need to know if Annonymous has a blog...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hilarious. Here's a toast to epiphanies and such.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. wow. If Anonymous has a blog, I'm there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We must have entered another dimension of scathingly hilarious bloggers and witty intelligent commentators. Hopefully we don't have to donate canned goods to get in and laugh at the antics. Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete

I'm excited to report that the author Celeste Ng has selected m y modern love essay to read for the Modern Love podcast next week. Suc...