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Showing posts from April, 2012

In Which Poem In Your Pocket Day Goes Terribly Wrong

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About once a year, I get together with a group of women and we share stories of our all-time most embarrassing moments.  It’s always a little bit uncomfortable for me, because everyone else has to scratch their head for a long time, and then, after much thought, reveals something not very embarrassing, like, “One time, I think I was 2, and I wet my pants,” while mine is more like, “One time when I was 24, I took my shirt off while hiking alone in Alaska, and then I lost the shirt and had to spend three hours randomly walking across the tundra looking for it while I contemplated the possibility that I’d have to flag down the tourist bus wearing only shorts and hiking boots.”  
So I added a rule that it has to be fresh – something that happened within the past couple of weeks.  I thought that would help, but really, it’s made it much worse.  The other women say things like, “A few weeks ago, I coughed really loudly during a quiet part in the movies.”  And let’s just say mine isn’t like…

Horoscopes, in which Spanx are never mentioned. (Bra-llelujah)

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Aries (3/21 – 4/19):    It only takes about three minutes of talking to me before I bring it back to a podcast I've listened to, and I'm conflicted between working on that and okay with it.  On the "okay with it" side, I learn stuff I didn't know, like why the birds are angry. On the "working on it" side, do I really care?  I've never played the game.  But at least I feel like I can lurk on the periphery of pop culture by knowing what pissed the birds off:  a pig took their eggs.  This week, I've been evangelizing about a podcast called The Truth, movies for the ear.  Check it out, Aries, but don't listen to the moon graffiti one just yet.  It's a little bit sad.  I'd recommend Cake, which contains the line,"I’m sorry, I just don’t have time to talk to someone weird right now.” Carry that line around with you this week.  You may need it.  And who's ear doesn't need a good movie now and again?

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  The ot…

You have your own potato. I know that.

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I can’t seem to write these days, which is so frustrating, because in my head, that’s what I want to do most of all.  But when it comes down to it, I don’t have the focus, material, or whatever else I need.
Maybe because it’s been a hard year, starting with a disappointing breakup, followed by getting laid off from a job I’ve had for 14 years, followed by blah blah blah.  Getting laid off is mixed, I guess.  I’ve gotten a ticket out of a job that I couldn’t leave, but then again, there’s the bit about how women over 50 have the hardest time of anyone getting good jobs, and there’s the big mortgage, the house that’s lost half it’s phony inflated value, R. going to college, yadda yadda yadda.  Oh, but wait, I have this super-transferrable, highly in demand skill!  I almost forgot.  I know King County Code, and can say stuff like, “Per 21A.24.045D 63, you’re allowed to place the drainfield within the buffer of an aquatic area, provided you meet the criteria.  Any questions?  Why yes, I …