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Showing posts from May, 2013

The Lawnmower Saga

It seems like this blog has gotten a bit lame because it's all horoscopes all the time, which is due to a combination of my tiny attention span and the miniature episodes that happen in my life.  I've been trying to think of something else to write about, but all I have is this long lawnmower saga that  I’ve mentioned, but here it is, in it’s completeness.  I'm so sorry.  It's all I've got.

Earlier this spring, I spent four hours, or possibly forty, attempting to start my lawnmower.  Trying all of the things that I could do with potions and sprays, like using starter fluid, and replacing the gas, and buying “mechanic in a can,” (which, by the way, caused the woman at the hardware store to say, “Wow.  Cool.  You mean I didn’t have to get married?  Come back and tell me if it works!”)

But nothing worked, so that woman is still married, and all this effort was spread over several weeks.  Meanwhile, the grass kept growing.  I eventually realized I needed to take it in …

Horoscopes: The Jeffrey is Real Edition

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Aries (3/21 – 4/19): I was walking in the woods at a site the other day when a new client, whom I'd never met, came to find me.  He walked up, held out his hand to shake, and said, "Do I have bad breath?"  I didn't know that was a question we get to ask random business associates, but I guess I was wrong.  We walked around for a bit, and then he said, "Oh, excuse me, my pants are falling down." I looked, and it was absolutely true.  They were falling way down.  After a bit, he said he had something to show me in his office, and as usual, I was super curious, so I followed him into his house and into the upstairs office (which is one of the big differences between being 22 and 52).  The office was filled with half-built model airplanes, a larger than life cardboard cutout of himself as a cowboy, x-acto knives, glue, stacks of snapshots, hundreds of bowling trophies and ribbons, saws, sharpies, and reams and reams of paper scattered in disorderly piles on the…

The Week Ahead

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Aries (3/21 – 4/19): The other day, I met M. for a picnic at the river, and as we met, she handed me what looked like a loaf of homemade bread.  It surprised me, because she lives in a tent.
"Wow, thank you!  This looks homemade!"

"Oh, no, I got it from a dumpster.  But it was only like, 45 minutes after they put it in there, I think.  I knew you'd like that."

Which I totally did.  The whole thing.  The picnic, the gift, the fact that she gathered 37 loaves of bread from a dumpster and started giving them out.  Aries, you'll get some unexpected gifts this week.  Accept them with grace.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  So the other day, I was walking by the gum wall when the man behind me stopped to marvel at it.  I know!  He was just staring at it, saying, "Nice."

I walked back to talk to him, and yes, let him know that I'm the curator.  "Do you like the gum wall?" I asked.

"Very much," he replied, and stood there staring at it fo…