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Showing posts from July, 2014

Mysteries

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The wrap up:  116 people have taken the quiz - I don't know whether to feel pleased or alarmed by that.  I was hoping that at least four or five people would click the link and answer the questions, but I see you are a curious (or bored) bunch.  And here are the results, which does seem to resemble the distribution in an actual garden.  Ish.



Okay, florascopes.
Dahlia:  What I remember about the moon landing is this:  the rest of the family was in the family room (is there still such a room or was that only in the 60's? Oh.  I just looked it up.  First mentioned in 1945 in this cool book).  Meanwhile, I was upstairs in my bedroom gluing rhinestones onto a big ugly purse.  It was a craft kit that my grandfather's wife, whom I only met once, gave me.  (I guess I met her twice if you count the time she was still living with husband #7, but I don't.)  They lived in a strange senior citizens mobile home park in the desert near LA, and we had to get special permission to visi…

Florascopes

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Bald-hip rose.  (Rosa gymnocarpa).  I have a new app for my phone (when do we get to stop saying, "for my phone"?  Like, "I have this new app for my _____ (knee?  Yoga mat?).  Anyway, it's called Shadow, and They are gathering data about our dreams.  Creepy or cool?  I am perhaps the only person on the planet who doesn't give a rip about my privacy.  Learn about me, try to sell me shit.  As long as I get to keep the internet, sure, I'll tell you my hopes and dreams and let you track every single thing I search for on line, and sure, use the phone that's in my pocket to detect where I hover in a store, what I might be interested in, and try to sell it to me.  But most especially, have at my dreams.  (By the way, internets, if you're actually listening?  I could care less about belly fat.)  But anyway, I get notifications on my phone every time someone somewhere has a dream.  I know.  Don't think too hard about that or you'll wind up in a pool …

Botaniscopes

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I'd like to write some horoscopes because I have a few tiny semi-coherent thoughts, but jeez, 12?  That's a lot.  So we're developing a new system, botaniscopes, and if I weren't so lazy I'd write a quiz so you could see what flower you are.  That's all the rage, online quizes to see what fruit, punctuation mark, fictional character, or work of great art you are, and whether your feet are egyptian or celtic.  (Mine are celtic.)  But it's too hot to do anything strenuous like type up a quiz.

Those of you from other parts of the world are laughing at us for complaining, but it got up to 90 degrees yesterday and I had to swim three times and still got cross and irritable.  I'm wearing a giant flowy moo moo (is that a word? Did we really name a dress after the sound a cow makes?  Apparently yes.) and even without the heat I know this thing about myself, which is that I have about 2 productive hours a day, maybe three, and I can either do yoga, work, or writ…

Unsolved Mysteries

Mystery #1:
The other day, my little m. and I were eating at a restaurant, and midway through our meal, the waiter just disappeared.  He came around to check on us, we each ordered a second beer, and that's the last we saw of him.  I have two main theories:

Rapture.  He was sucked up.  But that theory doesn't really seem to fit the data.  For one, he was the only one in this busy restaurant who disappeared.  For two, it seems like his shoes would have been left behind.  Soles, but no souls.Arrested.  Right?  What else could come between him and his customers besides handcuffs?Little m. thinks that perhaps he fell down a steep flight of rickety stairs, but I would hope that would generate some commotion:  an ambulance, a stretcher, etc.  So this isn't one of my main theories. (Oh, and we had to wait like a long thirsty hour to get a check from the sketchy waitress who, I'd like to say, could benefit by trying to be in the moment more.  But perhaps she was distracted and …

1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8 etc.

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Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  I found myself watching this video the other day.  Please don't click on the link because life is short, and, contrary to the title, you will believe what happens next.  I don't want to spoil it, but it's a love story, of sorts.  Your week will also be a love story.  A great one.  May it be so.
Aries (3/21 - 4/19):  Hey, speaking of the elements (love is an element, right?), the Smart People figured out how to make a substance for 3D printers that's lighter than frozen fog.  Big sigh, it makes my heart pine.  Why?  Well, for one, using frozen fog as a unit of weight.  I'm accustomed to the ordinary units of measure: pounds and ounces and fuck-tons.  But being delicate enough to discern the weight of frozen fog, arrgh.  It's a mixed blessing, Aries, but be that.  Feel the pain of a dandelion aging and turning to fluff, but keep on getting up anyway.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  I've been taking a picture of one frame from a beehive every few d…